Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Believe It Or Not

I had a brief conversation with a couple of missionaries from a certain fundamentalist religion that is currently making headlines. They knocked on my door to bring me their version of salvation the way they do thousands of residences across the globe.

I say it was a brief conversation not because I barked them off my front porch for interrupting my nap. After all, I was raised with manners. I let the clean cut boys in the snazzy suits make their little speech uninterrupted but I've been through similar conversations and I know the key words guaranteed to send them packing. "I'm gay". What I got in response was a full five seconds of stunned silence. I'll give them credit for not gaping at me like a big-mouthed bass as they struggled to think of something to say. The conversation ended a minute or so later when I refused their offer of religious reading material and they went off to pester someone else.

It wasn't a remarkable conversation and they're not the first religious group to show up at my door offering to save my soul. The thing that struck me and still makes me laugh was their response to my sexual orientation when one of them finally figured out what to say:

"We don't believe in it but you need to do what brings you happiness."

They don't "believe in it" as if sexuality is the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny. My life is invalid in their eyes because they don't choose to acknowledge the idea that some people are different. I'm still chuckling even as I write this. I'm pretty sure they have no idea how egotistical and self-absorbed they sound when they spew such ridiculous proclamations. As if I need their approval to be gay.

Honey, you don't have to "believe in it". It's standing right here in a hockey jersey staring you in the face. No leap of faith required.

Simon has a secret.

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